Just Let Me Sleep

Before the curtain to reality gets pulled back, I feel a moment where everything is good. My worries for the day and my future have not yet sunk in. A world in which I will get to hug my father, speak to my grandparents, lingering onto their every word.

Just Let Me Sleep

Every morning, grief sets in. Every morning, those of us in the world’s worst club, go through a moment of reliving the pain and loss of never being able to experience what we once had. It pulls at our heartstrings and there is nothing else to do but move forward.

With reluctance, I get out of bed and start my day. I replay the dreams I had from the night before, which almost always include someone I lost, as though none of the sickness that pulled them away from us ever happened.

Just Let Me Sleep

I simmer down and begin trying to focus on the world in front of me. I grip onto gratitude and thanks for those around me who help me continuously day in and day out. It is a lot more than just “thinking positively”. It is not enough to hear, “think about how much you still have to live for.”

I feel an energy, burning inside of me that is screaming for me to find my place in this world. Find my passion and this never-ending need to work hard to meet my goals, but the grief from that one moment in the morning still lingers.

Just Let Me Sleep

More than anything, I wish I still had my father to go to for advice. But I don’t and so I sit here trying to unwind the turmoil in my mind. All the while attempting to be the best version of myself, to be present as a sister, a daughter and a wife.

I want to live my entire day in that one brief moment I feel in the morning. I go to sleep early in the hopes to see someone I lost in my dreams. Because for that one second, my confidence has returned. My anxiety disappears and I know that everything will be okay.

Just Let Me Sleep

This is not a cry for help. This is the reality of grief. I am present and aware that these are bouts of depression. I am aware that I must work even harder to cope with these feelings. This is grief.

I have not given up. More than ever before, I am putting vulnerability in the forefront in the hopes of becoming a stronger person. I am taking the time to live presently. I am opening up parts of myself that I have shut out a long time ago in the hopes of rebuilding a world I never saw coming.

It is okay to feel grief every day. It will never disappear. It will always be there and it is up to us, individually, to figure out a way to live in a world without the people that brought us into it.

Yes, it is hard. It is painful. But you do have it in you to keep going.


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I’ll end off with a bunch of FREE resources to get you tackling your chaos today. 

Always remember that you’re not alone, and we’re all in this battle of life. You are competent enough to face your turmoil head-on. You just gotta take the first step.

20 pages of prompts, trackers, and questions to bring you back to your core!
My newest worksheet designed to help your journey through grief. Analyse your own feelings without judgement!
Break down those pesky barriers that have been holding you back from finding the inner peace you deserve to feel!



Disclaimer:

Please note, that the information provided by TheWorryingWife, or through links to other sites, is not a substitute for medical or professional care, nor should you use the information provided in place of a visit, call, consultation or the advice of your physician or other healthcare professional.

This blog is a means of connecting and sharing experiences through grief and anxiety and how to manage at home during times of uncertainty. 

Please seek the advice and help you need from a medical professional in order to best tackle your own personal struggles and challenges. 

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