If you haven’t been keeping up – I’m in Croatia.
After four days of paperwork, urgencies, tests, anxiety and planning, my mother and I landed in Croatia on Tuesday.
Within a few hours of landing, we went to see my grandmother, whose health rapidly deteriorated in a matter of hours.
We made it on time.
One by one, we went in and said what we could to my grandmother.
I hate that moment. What do you say? There’s no rulebook on what to say – knowing that you probably won’t have another opportunity.
How do you comfort your loved one? How do I comfort my mother? How do I help myself?
An hour after we left, my uncle received the call.
Shock hit the room.
I looked up to see my mother, my aunt and uncle all shaking.
“Here we go,” – I said internally, immediately thinking of the list of people I have to message and call.
“Ok we got this, we can do it.”
Thank God we made it on time.
This year has shaken us more times than ever before. The love in our family is one of a kind after everything we’ve been through together.
Adrenaline, at the moment, is the only thing that is stopping us from falling apart.
Today is her funeral – and to avoid all of my emotions (don’t be like me) I threw myself into writing.
In an attempt to try to wrap my head around the chaos in our family this year I began to write this post. I can’t fathom what’s happening. It’s like a never ending nightmare.
How many more reminders do I need to know that things can change in an instant?
I got the message. Loud and clear.
And here it is again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you feel no desire to speak. Where all you want to do is close your eyes and sleep because the entire process of being broken is incredibly exhausting.
It takes every ounce of you to attempt making the most of every day, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything.
A part of me can’t wait until my mandatory two-week quarantine when arriving back in Canada. I’m convinced, that is when everything is going to hit both my mother and me in the face. But it will be perfect. No pressure to see everyone – no need to immediately go through the story of why and how everything played out. Just moment’s for ourselves. To process.
In hopes of what’s to come – (rather in preparation) I have created a Grief Worksheet that I plan to fill out every few days to understand my own grieving process. I highly recommend checking it out if you are also experiencing similar emotions. If nothing, it will help explore what grief looks and feels like individually. After all, they say the grief process is as unique as our fingerprints.
Here I am. Mentally preparing for another hard, emotionally charged day.
I’ll end off with a bunch of FREE resources to get you tackling your chaos today.
Always remember that you’re not alone, and we’re all in this battle of life. You are competent enough to face your turmoil head-on. You just gotta take the first step.
Please note, that the information provided by TheWorryingWife, or through links to other sites, is not a substitute for medical or professional care, nor should you use the information provided in place of a visit, call, consultation or the advice of your physician or other healthcare professional.
This blog is a means of connecting and sharing experiences through grief and anxiety and how to manage at home during times of uncertainty.
Please seek the advice and help you need from a medical professional in order to best tackle your own personal struggles and challenges.