In my latest post, I wrote about a specific writing prompt that consistently holds me accountable for my own actions and decisions in life. I spoke about a turning point that happened a few years ago that just kind of woke me up from this state of what I thought was happiness. It essentially allowed me to take off my rose coloured glasses and appreciate who I was.
You’re going to laugh at how cheesy this is.
That turning point – was meeting the man who would quickly become my husband.
(I guarantee my girl Ivana who introduced us is sitting at home reading this and crying of laughter)
She knew both of us pretty well. In Berlin, she was my closest friend from school. In Belgrade, she was my husband’s flatmate. So yes, she knows of all of the little things he can do around the house that will certainly drive any woman crazy 😂
To give a little context to the situation, by this point I thought I was living my best life (2017). I was very confident in who I was and loved that I had taken charge of my own life and my own sense of self. Relationship wise – it was a mess.
Meeting this hunk from Belgrade showed me just how much of a mess I was. I realized after the 3 days we spent together that he was checking off all of the boxes I previously put away somewhere in a corner because I thought I was being too unrealistic with my expectations.
And here he was casually picking up, dusting off and unpacking each and every one of those boxes in a matter of hours.
I came back to Berlin, a different person. (I literally hate how corny all of this sounds but just bear with me.) Before my trip to Belgrade, if you asked any of my flatmates in Berlin, they all would’ve told you how messy everything around me was. Mentally I was exhausted and nothing seemed to be going smoothly. Even the care package my parents sent me took a nice round trip in and around Europe – never came to my flat and went all the way back to Canada.
Now – in hindsight, I realize it’s because I was not being true to myself (Okay, so the package I had no control over – but everything else, was definitely a result of me, myself and I). I was putting up with things I didn’t deserve and I was making myself smaller to appease others.
So when I came back to Berlin, quite literally beaming – my flatmates were shook. They couldn’t believe it. They asked me all of the right questions and were obviously a little concerned. I mean I was the stereotype – the girl who went to Europe and found a boyfriend.
Of course, this was all very new to me. When I tell you that the things I was feeling for him, I never felt before, it’s not because I was giddy and heart-eyed… It’s because we were on the same page from the beginning. We understood what we were doing, we were scared and yet we both took a leap of faith because we knew it was going to be worth it.
I can quite literally never go back to the person I was before meeting him. It’s sometimes upsetting thinking back at how much nonsense I used to put up with before meeting him – how much of myself I changed for others around me.
However, I understand now that I had to go through that. I had to go through turmoil to understand that happiness will never come easily and that maintaining it, is the hardest part.
The reality of our relationship came after I moved to Serbia. That was the real deal. I moved to another country to be with someone. Believe me there was never a honeymoon phase. But again we got through everything because once more, we were on the same page.
He always laughs at how much I can analyze a subject. And I admit I can get carried away. But I know that most of the time I’m doing it to appreciate how far I’ve come. To understand that, yes, things happen, life gets hard but you’ve made it through every other hurdle up until now – you can get through this as well.
Our first year of marriage, (as you all know), was definitely not smooth sailing. Between moving to Canada and losing my father, our love, faith and strength were quickly tested. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I truly believe that I would not have been able to handle things the way I have this past year, without him. I would’ve handled it, sure – but having his support and love definitely helped along the way. After all, I didn’t turn to the coping mechanisms I would’ve turned to 3 years ago.
As emotional beings, we can quickly get swept up into the whirlwinds of someone making us feel good. My mother always told me to be certain of accepting a proposal – because come marriage – not much changes. You need to be happy with the person you decide to go through the rollercoasters of life. They should not “complete” you but rather grow alongside you. Don’t go into something thinking someone’s habits (that they’ve had for years) are just going to disappear because you asked nicely. People will change at their own turning points in life – and unfortunately to reach that point we have to go through some heartache, some anger and some sadness. Believe me – it will help you appreciate happiness later on.
I hope you all can appreciate the turning points that helped you change for the better. If you feel like you don’t have one – look again, I guarantee you’ll find it – or maybe it’s right around the corner!
I would love to hear about some of the turning points from your lives and how they changed your perspectives, let me know below!
I’ll end off with a bunch of FREE resources to get you tackling your chaos today.
Always remember that you’re not alone, and we’re all in this battle of life. You are competent enough to face your turmoil head-on. You just gotta take the first step.
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