Raise your hand if you feel like you don’t have control over your chaos?
I purposely chose this image because at this point in Belgrade, I was days away from my wedding. My family and friends were beginning to arrive and I was in pure panic mode about every single detail we left until the last week. Plus – the hubs and I were packing and moving out of our apartment. Talk about chaos – say hello to the dark bags of stress I didn’t account for under my eyes.
Key to understanding this state of chaos is that it does not define you.
I seriously believe that I will never feel completely satisfied. I think I will always think that there is something more that I can do to achieve some notion of bliss in life. I mean, I don’t think that is the healthiest thing to do either but okay, at least it helps me get out of bed in the morning.
One of my favourite exercises to do to get through this endless circle of “what if’s” is to follow a writing prompt.
Not just any writing prompt. A specific prompt that pen to paper really put my life into perspective.
Wanna know what it is?
Write about what your younger self would say looking at your life in this moment. Would they be proud of everything you have overcome? In shock how you’re even capable of putting a smile on your face? Or would they be disappointed in the way you’re living your life?
Either way, I guarantee you will come out of this prompt with a new perspective.
So what would my younger self say?
I think she would be over the moon about the hunk I married. The schooling I’ve completed. The countries I’ve travelled, lived, and worked in. The fact that I am still writing. The customization side hustle that engages my creativity. Most importantly I think she would be proud of the fact that I am facing my journey of grief head on. That I am not dwelling on insecurity, and that I am able to push through the hardships and come out the other side smiling.
In fact it is because of this exercise that I made a lot of changes in myself a few years back. I realized that even though I thought I was having the time of my life – I was overcompensating for the fact that I was unhappy with myself, with the decisions I was making and the parts of me I was putting aside to feel as though an ounce of my ego was being boosted. I was unable to face my emotions head on or be with myself and just think for a moment about the decisions I was making and the people I was letting into my life.
I was broken to say the least. But there definitely was a turning point (one I will touch up on in my next post: Come back on Wednesday!)
Every couple of months I come back to this writing prompt. I make sure that it’s on pen and paper so that I can hold myself accountable for the decisions I’ve made in the past few months.
For example, yes, I hate that I don’t have a full-time position yet. But I know for a fact that my younger self would think I was kicking-ass by creating my own mini-business and that even before that when I was just blogging – I was doing something to grow and just be real.
I haven’t given up.
Which is the real winner of this prompt. It allows us to see that we have kept going, regardless of the chaos. We take the negatives and somehow come out the other side with gratitude and positivity.
So try it out, let me know what you think – and let me know some of your own prompts that help you unwind and bring a little perspective to your life!
I’ll end off with a bunch of FREE resources to get you tackling your chaos today.
Always remember that you’re not alone, and we’re all in this battle of life. You are competent enough to face your turmoil head-on. You just gotta take the first step.
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This blog is a means of connecting and sharing experiences through grief and anxiety and how to manage at home during times of uncertainty.
Please seek the advice and help you need from a medical professional in order to best tackle your own personal struggles and challenges.