It’s only fair that my 10th Life Lesson is dedicated to my husband, one day after our first wedding anniversary.
Let me tell you that year one has not lived up to all the hype. Newlywed bliss? I personally saw very little of that. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship as a couple was phenomenal, even with all of our bickering we still continue to learn so much from each other daily. But life threw us so many curveballs, exhausting us to our very cores– recovery from which will be next to impossible.
We fell in love, not because we saw perfection in each other, but because we felt perfectly comfortable in our imperfections. Granted, I most certainly found aspects of my father in him, and he… aspects of his mother in me …however… maybe we’ll touch on that another day. But, this man, let me tell you, is my superhero. He might not understand my anxiety or fully comprehend my hyper-sensitivity but he’s there through it all.
And even though some days he tests my triggers, I know he doesn’t do it maliciously, but because he believes he’s helping me.
“Understanding…” as my mother always says, “Understanding and patience are key.” To everything. Relationships, self-love, life.
I know this. I’ve been listening to this from my parents since day one. And yet, my defensiveness forgets this in my fight or flight moments. I even know this, right after something happens. I know that in that moment, I should’ve just had a little more patience and a little more understanding.
Add a little (and by a little, I mean a whole ton of) grief into the mix and now we’re really cooking.
Deciphering these moments though, is helpful. At least for me. Even acknowledging that my reaction was uncalled for is a step in the right direction.
Ok so maybe you’re thinking”…it’s easy for you to use a quote like this…you’re married, you found your superhero blah blah blah…”
I know. If something’s not relatable, it’s impossible to understand. Why do you think I was never good at math.
So let’s take this quote – and transfer it to relate to…your best friend perhaps. The person you turn to with your deepest and darkest insecurities. Maybe that’s even your therapist. Your sibling. Your parents, your grandparents.
Whoever it is in your life that you turn to when you need someone to lean on.
Maybe one day, you can even lean on yourself.
Channel your own inner strength, your own courage to fight through a moment. It’s not about being dependent on someone. It’s about making the decision to help even when you feel like crumbling. For me, it’s both myself, and my husband. It took me a long time to even open up to my husband about all of my dark and twisty’s – and when I did, it took us even longer to have a solid and helpful conversation deciphering it. We’re still having that conversation. It’s not a one and done kind of convo. We’re learning. It’s rocky. But we’re dedicated. To each other, to our relationship and to growing as a couple that one day will be influencing the lives of little rugrats.
Learn to communicate. Be on the same page as your partner, or as yourself even. You’re not going to be moving forward if you can’t even decide whether to hold down the break or give the gas pedal a go.
Check out some of my favourite “Go To” reads in my Self-Love Shop that have helped me fight anxiety, grief while building self-confidence! Help me build my library by recommending your own go to reads!
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