Where your mind leads, your body follows
I started thinking the other day while reading a paper on the physiological affects of stress and anxiety, why it is that I have good days and bad days. Of course it’s perfectly normal to have bad days, sad days, even lay in bed and don’t talk to anyone days. Those days are in fact needed and at times. even encouraged, for you to calm down, rest and reset your wellbeing. As an overthinking, anxious, grief stricken, newlywed I have these days pretty often leaving me in a funk and pretty much unable to properly converse or interact with my loved ones. I have a tendency (as most of us do) to beat myself up, feeling as though I’m not doing enough – as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife. The most frustrating part is that I can’t motivate myself to be better. Why?
Well probably because I’m already doing the best that I can for myself given the current circumstances. I’m learning to accept that less than perfect outcomes are okay…scratch that – they’re MORE than okay.
In our household we have a “Good Day” jar. Anytime we have a good day, or a happy moment/memory we want to remember we write it on a little piece of paper and after the New Year we open it up and have a big emotional laughing, crying fest. This year was particularly hard after losing my dad in November and opening the jar in January. One of the notes I pulled out was from the summer, written by my dad. At this point he was already quite sick but the confusion of the doctors left us in a position of being at home and not really doing much to help him. What we had been doing was changing his diet, keeping a routine and doing the little things he loved to do around the house. He wrote,
“Today, I’m not feeling any pain. Today was a good day.”
Even though his body was failing him, even though he knew something was seriously wrong, he pushed it aside knowing that internally he was satisfied and content and lived for that moment in time.
Growing up in an immigrant household, as I’m sure some of you can relate, you often have another side of guilt that sneaks up on you.The “my parents sacrificed everything for a better life, am I doing enough?” guilt.This guilt in particular eats you alive. That’s not to say it never did anything positive for me in life. For most of my life it actually encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and chase after things I only thought were possible in my dreams. But sometimes, particularly after my father passing away, it really just gets deep under your skin and crawls into your heart.
What I am starting to realize – and it’s such an obvious concept too – is that in order to grow I have to stop holding myself to the standards of others (including my loved ones) and start holding myself accountable to my own standards. I have to follow my own code of conduct, so to speak.Like I said, simple concept, complex execution.
“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light.”
This particular reading gives meaning to understanding that if the eye is the lamp of the body, the brain houses the spiritual mind of our souls, that ultimately illuminate our inner self. I personally am petrified of my inner self. It’s partly the reason I started this blog. I internally am disappointed of the person I am at my core – at least some days, I think I am. My emotions scare me when in fact no emotion is bad – we just have to learn to tap into the right emotion at the right time in order to grow and internally be satisfied.
Our emotions sole purpose in life is to trigger behaviours that will help fix the way that you feel.
Let me give you a simple example,
You had a bad day. At work, at home, wherever, not important. The point is you had a bad day. You’re angry or frustrated, maybe even sad and stressed, all because of this bad day you had. I know for a fact that I’ve come home angry because of a bad day at work and told my husband to “please, just leave me alone for like 30 minutes.”
It’s possible yes, that you simply just had a rough day and that’s why you’re agitated.It’s more likely however that you had a bad day because you didn’t sleep properly. Maybe you have a headache or are in some other mild pain. Maybe you’ve been living off of snacks and forgot to have an actual meal with nutrients. Maybe you put off organising and decluttering your space last night for another glass of wine and “me time” (for the tenth time this week).
It’s vital to acknowledge the physiology behind your emotions. It’s the absolute only way you can get stronger and have less bad days. Instead of simply blaming the world around you and everyone else’s actions for your bad day, take a look at yourself. What’s actually going on?Find ways you can control your physiology – breathing, meditation, CBT, journaling – all of these things can be done in 5-10 minutes, to just take a step back and evaluate what’s happening so you can have a healthy emotional response.
Bridge the gap to your thoughts, your body is talking to you, take a listen.
Check out some of my favourite “Go To” reads in my Self-Love Shop that have helped me fight anxiety, grief while building self-confidence! Help me build my library by recommending your own go to reads!
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