You Don’t Have To Get Worse To Get Better
My wellness journey is dedicated to resetting. The past couple of months in particular have been hard. Gut-wrenching even. I allowed myself to fall apart and crumble. I wasn’t taking care of myself. And how can I be there for the people I love if I’m not there for myself.I had to be the one to decide that enough was enough. That I was tired and exhausted of feeling like I was hit by a ton of bricks everyday. I mean yeah, I got out of bed everyday, even got dressed. I made plans to see people (often cancelling last minute); I put in that tiny bit of effort that felt like I was pulling a truck to just not go completely dark and twisty. Make no mistake that my loved ones were certainly by my side encouraging me, but at the end of the day I had to make the call.
And I did. I realised I needed to reset. I had to hone into the things that lift me up. Writing. Baking. Being a wife for my husband who continues to do so much for our life together. Being a sister. Being a daughter for my mom who had her own world ripped apart in losing my dad.
In a way… this pandemic gave me everything that I needed to reset. A time in my life to just focus on me. To reset my morning and evening routines. Keeping the house and my personal spaces clean. To light my scented candles again and bring myself to that zone of inner peace that I love so much while writing.
You see, a couple of years ago, when I was still single I was traveling a lot. Finishing my masters abroad, meeting all kinds of characters, expanding my intellectual baggage in a way that school never could. I loved every second of it and to make it even better I was writing. I had a little personal blog that I had started back in 2014 the first time I lived in France during university for my undergrad. I felt a sense of control. I understood what it was to be passionate about something and to be proud of what I was doing.
So now, I’m resetting. My life’s a little different now. I’m a wife. I moved back to my home city. Living in my childhood home again but this time, without my father and with my husband.
I think a lot of my anxiety stems from the fact that, for some reason, I took moving back home to taking a step backwards in life. My husband and I left our stable jobs, our apartment and the life we loved a lot in Serbia to come and start over in Canada. It’s obviously not the case that this was a step backwards. I’m grateful given the circumstances in the world today, that I had the honour of being with my dad in hospital every single day. That we as a family were able to stay the night and spend every last second we could with him. But I think I’m still adjusting to it. All of it. His passing…my new life with my husband in a new place…
It’s going to take some more time. But this blog for me, writing again, creating again is the second step to my reset. The first was making the decision to start it up.
Just because things may be awful and your world may be crumbling it’s important to understand that there doesn’t have to be “rock-bottom”. It’s your own personal decision to decide when “rock-bottom” will be. How long are you not going to make a conscientious effort to help yourself? Fight through it. Fight for your passions, your relationships and the people you care about – fight for yourself.
Check out some of my favourite “Go To” reads in my Self-Love Shop that have helped me fight anxiety, grief while building self-confidence! Help me build my library by recommending your own go to reads!
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This blog is a means of connecting and sharing experiences through grief and anxiety and how to manage at home during times of uncertainty.
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